Let’s first look at the analogy of your car (if you can stretch your imagination). When it is not working correctly, what would you normally do? I’m guessing that you would probably take it to an auto mechanic to have him or her diagnose the problem. Right?
Many people don’t look at the root of their emotions, and that is especially true of anger. Anger is usually not an action but rather a re-action to something that has happened “to you.” Someone cut you off on the highway, or your boss criticized the way your report turned out, or your spouse squeezed the toothpaste incorrectly. Too often the actions are perceived as something “done to me” when usually they occurrences or just actions made by someone else and may or may not have been directed “at you.”
Anger is really our defensive mechanism used when we feel that we have been attacked. If we would stop and evaluate the situation, we would realize that the car that cut us off on the highway may have been someone who was not paying attention (maybe he was just told that his child had been in an accident). You don’t really know why he was not paying attention, but it surely did not have anything to do with you in particular. In the case of the report, the boss was most likely just being his or her perfectionist self, and the criticism was not aimed at you but rather, it was aimed at the report!
If we would look closely at the things we are angry about, usually we can come up with another perspective on the situation. Since anger is a negative emotion, it is really doing more harm to you than to the person or situation you are angry with. Anger is a very stressful emotion and can cause tiredness but with an accompanying inability to go to sleep.
So what specifically can you do when you become angry? First, I think if you would take a step out of yourself and determine the cause of your anger, you could look at it from a different perspective. Then ask yourself, “Is this something that I can do something about?” If it is, you need to figure out how to take those steps to change the situation. If it is not something that you can do anything about, then make the mental decision to put it away or just forgive the person for what he or she has “done” to you.
We all remember the serenity prayer:
grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.
If more people remembered those words there would be less anger in the world resulting fewer conflicts and people with better overall health. Remember to repeat it often as your self-help tip for dealing with anger.
To your health
Judy Kelly
PS Remember you can Reduce Anger With These Self-Help Anger Methods
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